Let's talk...?

If your anything like me anxious and awkward when it comes to talking to people, you'll agree that it can be scary putting yourself out there. Just know that even the most confident person gets nervous too. The good thing is that we can learn to be confident in communicating with others.

I am a true introvert, I enjoy my own company, but it also means I find it quite difficult to reach out to friends and family. I never thought of myself as a shy person, that was until I searched the definition and found it was a perfect description of how I am (lol). What I've come to learn is that it takes time for me to open up, to feel relaxed when having a conversation with someone. This is not a bad thing but it suggests I should come out of my shell a little more and maybe you too?

My experience in talking with people has felt like a rollercoaster- some conversations make me feel I am on cloud nine and others leave me feeling mortified. The tendency I have is that I overthink things to the point that it stops me from reaching out to people. I end up asking myself too many questions before things even happen: are they going to want to talk to me?, what if there is nothing to talk about?, what if they think that I am boring? etc. The truth is you don't know what they are thinking or feeling - it's out of your control. And notice that most of the questions where 'what if', meaning that as much as we think there is a high likelihood of negatives there is a flipside with an equal likelihood.

THINGS THAT I'VE LEARNED.

1. A conversation is 2 ways.

Don't be like me asking all the questions and answering a few. The best conversations are when you bounce off each other and are able to share your point of views. Don't go in with the strict expectation that the same energy and enthusiasm you give is what they should reciprocate... everyone has those days where they're not feeling that great. Having expectations of who you're talking to is a sign that you're controlling the conversation which you don't need to. Saying this, I don't mean that you should let people talk to you anyhow (in a rude or hurtful way). You'll feel so much better (especially emotionally) if you go with the flow and let things happen naturally.

2. It's crazy how simple and true this is but they are people too.

Not matter who you are talking to or how important you think they are the same as you. No one masters confidently speaking to people overnight, so don't deceive yourself thinking they know and are good at everything (e.g. socialising, being likeable, getting noticed etc). There is such a thing as empathy which means most times they will know how you feel. Be honest and truthful in what you say and they'll appreciate that.

3. Be yourself.

It sounds and I guess is cliche to write but it's the truth. Why act like someone else when you can be yourself. Sadly, social media has made this too easy for people to do which takes away the authenticity. The secret to someone getting along with you is actually showing them your true self and not pretending. They say the phrase 'fake it to you make it' but isn't that hiding behind something that you're not. Don't be afraid to show signs of nerves because being nervous shows that you care. Don't mould yourself to fit the conversation or the audience.

I know that the cure to social awkwardness isn't instant but there is one... (it's different for everyone).

There are so many ways that you can connect with others- in person and online- so take your time to find the right combination for you. Connect with yourself first (self-love, learning, growth) and all other connections will be much easier.

I have written a handful today but I am glad that I did. It has been a personal struggle of mine and it has affected my emotional wellbeing in so many different ways. Day-by-day I am slowly learning and laughing at myself, at the mistakes I've made which is part of life.

If you've got questions, experiences or advice feel more than welcome to write them in the comment section below. Ly.