Encourage yourself.

I am too hard on myself. I didn't accept how tough I was on myself until recently and realised the negative effect it has on my mindset and work ethic. As much as it is good to keep yourself accountable don't push your own limits.

When I miss a blog post it bothers me. Am somewhat saddened that I have lost my streak (consistency). To some, this may not be a big deal but to me it holds importance putting out quality content on my blog and regularly. I'm telling you this to exemplify my point of being too hard on oneself. I've had to tell myself that it is more than ok to not post weekly when I have justifiable reasons. After all, I'd rather give my very best content always.

Your cases might be different or might've been frustrated that you didn't work out when you scheduled or upset that you didn't cook the best meal the other night etc. We so easily blame ourselves for tiny mistakes and that spirals into degrading ourselves. It isn't healthy for us to do that for many reasons, one being it doesn't help to stress over what could've been or should've happened or would've become.

I've high expectations of myself...especially academically. It has driven me to achieve great things and feel incredibly happy. It has also caused me to burnout many times! I used to pin the blame for always being in overdrive on other people. To some extent the labels and comment -'she's a hardworking student', 'you're so organised' created a costly version of myself that I had to live up to. Should 'compliments' get to me adversely? and make me feel paranoid about failing.

My self-worth became strongly tied to how much I worked and what I achieved. I started idealising what I needed to achieve by a certain age, defining success from the eyes of others and became unsatisfied all the time. It isn't something I proud of, but I've come to realise it not too late to change this habit that has caused me to be a perfectionist and workaholic.

How to encourage yourself:

1. Give credit where it is due.

Have you noticed that critics tend to always point out the negatives and bypass the positives hence they say 'you are your own worst critic'? Are you critical of yourself? Only you know the answer to that. Learn to give yourself a pat on the back. Celebrate your little successes on the basis of what you achieved.

2. Change the negativity.

Encouraging yourself requires a positive mindset. Don't allow your mind to dictate or replay your mistakes or failures- it doesn't help. Be reminded that you are in control of how you feel and shouldn't be sad, disappointed, ashamed etc. If something does bother you, seize the opportunity to write your thoughts out or record them. From this, you can re-read or listen from a different, more positive perspective.

3. Choose what feeds you.

There will be many external influences that will feed into not feeling you're at or doing your best. Again it is up to you if you take other people's comments/criticism to heart. I used to hold on so much to criticism and let it weigh me down as well as not really accepting compliments. Truth be told now I am focusing on the best version- what I think of myself. So filter what settles in your mind.

4. Learn.

Beating yourself up over small things prevents you from learning valuable lessons. You should be willing to learn, to become better. When you constantly put yourself down you become blinded to resources/people that could help you. Take things one step at a time and practice being present to really grow from the experience. You'll be pleasantly surprised when you reflect on how far you've come- this includes the ups and downs.

5.Redefine Self Worth.

Life is full of choices and is ultimately comprised of what you choose to do. But life is also a rollercoaster, its unpredictable, things are dynamic. This means that what you do will always adapt to the circumstances. I would not recommend that you associate your work to your self-worth...things change. Instead, base your self-worth on more solid grounds, this will be different for everyone. For me, my self-worth is first confirmed by my faith in God and other factors.

I feel liberated every time I am gentle, forgive and encourage myself. It is a work in progress don't get me wrong but it's something I am proud of (Tip 1). Be kind to yourself.

Thank you for taking the time to read this week's blog post. Comment below what tip you will actively work on and how you get along. Until next time...Ludel.