Confrontation.

I don't like confrontation- it naturally makes me feel uneasy, nervous and distressed. Do you feel that way or are you the total opposite? Either way, there are times where confrontation is necessary and for me, it happened this week...

To shorten the long story, I was bothered by what a person was doing about a personal matter. I tend to avoid instant confrontation hence I 'let things slide' or turn an eye away. However, the accumulation of the same mistakes continued and it got too much. I've always found it difficult to express when I'm angry or upset. My polite nature always convinces me that if I did show I was truly feeling I would be offensive to the other person. Some say 'don't suffer in silence' and so I knew it was time to speak up. I was ready to be forward in my communication about how I was feeling.

Fast forward, I gave myself time to calm down and compose myself. I did this for a number of reasons: I didn't want to let the issue ruin my day, I was cautious not to do anything I would regret and lastly because giving a situation time can give you a different perspective on it. I strongly advise any of you- who may be extremely upset or angry right now- to not let things that bother you get bottled up. If you suppress it you are more likely to 'lash out' or behave irrationally during the confrontation. Instead, be honest with yourself and allow yourself to talk about what bothers you no matter how big or small. It takes discipline, in my opinion, to manage our emotions but once we learn it we can easily take control of our reactions to whatever situation it might be.

How to confront a person:

1. Be respectable.

Confrontation can be quite intense but that doesn't mean it has to get ugly. I don't believe one has to get violent (verbal or physical) in order to 'set the records straight'.Things become a real mess when respect is out the window. I approach conflict knowing I will not stand to be treated any less than I should be. This might be expressed through my tone, attitude, body language etc. This helps me to stand my ground and tell them what I want to say (even if they don't want to hear it). Likewise, I wouldn't use hurtful words towards them because they're human too. Having respect for yourself and for the other person means you avoid unnecessary arguments.

2. Have evidence.

Before you confront a person it is best to have examples, that will otherwise support the point(s) you are making. Having evidence makes it easier to explain what it is you need to communicate to that person. While you don't need examples for all situations it is useful to have to remind them of your valid point. In my case, I didn't provide supporting examples immediately but should they ask I have them ready to identify and solve the issue on ground.

3. Consider how you confront a person.

How you confront a person matters. There are many ways which include: email, text, face-to-face etc. Before you decide an appropriate approach think about the impact it will have on that person in that environment. There is no point using social media, for example, because it publicises a private issue and makes things more complicated than it needs to be. Confronting online would also damage their reputation and relationships which should not be the outcome.

4. Evaluate your intentions.

Why you confront a person is very important. For some confrontation comes easy to them, perhaps it's because they're a 'no-nonsense' kind of person. For others, it's a real struggle. Always ask yourself this: what do I gain out of it? Is it clarity, a sense of communication, revenge etc that you want? By doing this you're identifying your motive. On this occasion, I confronted the person because I wanted things to change for the better. The outcome of the confrontation will be dependent on your purpose- if they are for the wrong reasons it will fail.

5. End it there.

After confronting the person, let go of the emotional baggage that comes with whatever the issue is- don't dwell on it just move on. This is where I'm at right now, I'm slow in the process but I am making progress. I don't want to let that moment ruin my day, week or month because I've done my part and it's not worth wasting my energy on. Because I've decided to do this, whether the person responds or not I am already ahead, getting on with that really matters to me.

A confrontation could be with people in your workplace, at school, amongst friends or even family. Whoever it may be, the overall aim of confrontation is to progress the relationship for better.

I know that this blog is quite serious and maybe a little heavy-hearted but I wanted to share my (uncomfortable) experience with you to share real-life tips. Comment down below a time when you had to confront someone. Seize this moment in time to also cheer yourself up with my last blog if you haven't read it already.

Thank you for taking the time to read- until next time.